Signature Services
Heaven & Hell: One Massage - Two Personalities $165
90 minutes | Full-body fire + icy bliss
This signature session starts with a full-body massage enhanced by fire cupping to break up tension, boost circulation, and kick your muscle pain to the curb. Once you’re nice and toasty, we flip the script with a deeply relaxing, cooling focus on the neck, face, and scalp—featuring chilled stones, ice globes, a jade eye mask, rosemary scalp oil, and all the scalp tools your nervous system didn’t know it needed.
It’s fire and ice. Burnout and bliss. A total reset for body and brain.
Body Alchemy: The Knotty Body Detox $195
105 Minutes | Lymphatic & Detoxification
Body Alchemy is a full-body detox ritual designed to melt, move, and flush out everything your body’s been holding. We combine fire cupping, lymphatic drainage, abdominal work, full-body infrared light, aromatherapy, and fascia scraping in a powerful 105 minute session that leaves you lighter, clearer, and deeply reset. Expect modest draping (we need access to the full body), lots of movement, and big results.
Come ready to burn off the old and walk out brand new.
The Nervous Breakdown: A Gentle Nervous System Reset $95
60 Minutes | Craniosacral & Light Touch
Remember begging your partner to play with your hair or trace your back until you fall asleep… and they tapped out after two minutes like it was hard labor? Same. That’s why The Nervous Breakdown exists.
This light-touch, goosebump-giving session is what your nervous system has been dreaming of. We’re talking featherlight strokes, craniosacral vibes, combs, chopsticks, and textured tools—basically all the tingly things that make your skin hum and your brain go “ahhhh.”
It’s 60 minutes of barely-there touch that hits way deeper than you’d expect.
Knot Your Average Massage Services
Please Note: This is a dog-friendly home. A certified service animal may occasionally be present in the massage room. While strict sanitation protocols are followed, individuals with severe pet allergies should use discretion when booking.
Calm AF $70
60 Minutes | Light to Medium Pressure + Aromatherapy
This isn’t just a massage—it’s your official permission slip to fully zone out and maybe even take the best nap of your adult life. Expect deep sighs, slower brainwaves, and possibly some light snoring (we won’t judge).
Perfect for: stress heads, overthinkers, and anyone one deep breath away from losing it.
Knot Today, Satan $80
60 Minutes | Firm Pressure | Deep Tissue | Cupping | Scraping | Theragun
This one’s for the brave. Knot Today, Satan is a deep tissue exorcism for your muscles—using firm pressure, strategic cupping, scraping, and the mighty Theragun to drive those deep-seated demons (aka knots) straight back to hell. You might wince, you might whimper, but afterward? You'll feel reborn.
Perfect for: chronic tension, desk-job survivors, gym warriors, and anyone who says “I carry it all in my shoulders.”
Sore Loser Recovery $165
120 Minutes | Deep Tissue | Stretching | Cupping | Scraping | Theragun
You gave it your all—now your body’s giving you attitude. Time to bounce back like a badass. Sore Loser Recovery is a longer, tougher, no-fluff session built for service members, athletes, and anyone who treats soreness like a badge of honor. We combine firm pressure, deep tissue work, assisted stretching, cupping, scraping, and Theragun therapy to hunt down every knot and tight spot.
Perfect for: post-workout warriors, field-fatigued bodies, deployment-weary muscles, and anyone who's too sore to even tie their boots.
Mama Kneads It $75
60 Minutes | Prenatal Massage | Gentle Pressure |
Growing a tiny human is no joke. This gentle, pregnancy-safe massage targets tired backs, sore hips, and swollen feet—bringing relief where you need it most. Because mama, you knead this.
Perfect for: mamas-to-be in their second trimester or beyond, craving comfort, calm, and a little “me” time.
It's Not A Foot Fetish $65
45 Minutes | Plantar Fasciitis Relief | Deep Tissue | Scraping | Hot Stones
Let’s be clear—this is about pain relief, not weird internet searches. It’s Not a Foot Fetish is a targeted treatment for plantar fasciitis and overworked feet. We combine deep tissue massage, fascia scraping, and warm stones to break up tension, boost circulation, and get you walking without wincing. Your arches might scream now, but they’ll thank you later.
Perfect for: runners, military boots, gym junkies, and anyone who’s been betrayed by their own feet.
Unclog The Nog $65
45 Minutes | Headache + Sinus Relief | Cold Stone | Aromatherapy
Got a head full of pressure and a face that feels like a balloon? Unclog the Nog is your go-to for sinus congestion and tension headaches. We use cooling stones, targeted facial massage, and sinus-clearing aromatherapy to help you breathe easier, think clearer, and stop glaring at fluorescent lights.
Perfect for: allergy season survivors, stress heads, and anyone feeling foggy upstairs.
Bruises With Benefits $50
30 Minute | Cupping | Targeted Body Part
Got knots that feel like they're on a mission to stay forever? Bruises with Benefits is here to help! Our cupping therapy improves blood circulation, releases muscle tension, and provides that deep tissue relief you’ve been begging for. Warning: You might walk out looking like a modern art piece, but you’ll feel like a brand new human.
Perfect for: gym enthusiasts, desk dwellers, and anyone who’s been carrying stress in their shoulders like it’s a full-time job.
The Hit & Run $45
30 Minutes | Targeted Body Part | Customizable
One or two spot screaming for help? Cool. I’ll beat it into silence and let you ghost me right after. This 30-minute session is for the chronically tense and emotionally unavailable. No small talk. No full-body dreams. Just targeted relief and a clean getaway.
Perfect for: busy, broken, & not here to bond.
Enhancements Menu
Add a little extra... because you deserve it.
Enhancements are exclusively app-bookable—because some perks are just too special for the internet.
30 More or It’s War
+$30 | +30 minutes
Turn your 60 into a 90—because sometimes your muscles need more time, not more talking.
Elastigirl Incredi-Stretch
+$30 | +30 minutes
A full-body stretch worked right into your massage. Flexibility not included—but highly encouraged.
Flame Throw Therapy
+$15
This fire cupping enhancement uses controlled flame and suction to draw out the drama your muscles have been holding onto for far too long. Think of it as a breakup for back pain—with a little scorch for good measure.
Infra-Red Flag
+$20
Not all red flags are toxic—some actually heal you. This red light therapy enhancement uses infrared wavelengths to reduce inflammation, speed up muscle recovery, and leave your body feeling way less betrayed
Pedi or Mani Haven
+$35 | +30 minutes
Scrub, hot towels, paraffin wax, and bonus massage time—for hands and feet that are truly living their best life.
Coconut Back Scrub
+$15 | +15 minutes
Gentle exfoliation meets tropical vacation. Your back will thank you (and maybe write you a thank-you note).
Head Scratches
+$10 | +15 minutes
Scalp massage + aromatherapy = instant nap mode. No judgment if you drool.
Biofreeze Spot Relief
+$5
A chilly little “ahhhh” for those cranky spots that need extra attention.
Can I Pet That Dog?
Donation-based
Relax with a therapy dog by your side. 100% of donations go to veteran organizations, like K9s For Warriors.
See “Massage Meets Mission” under the About Us tab for the warm-and-fuzzy details.